kuHek miNd-numbing words

Today is good monday. It’s a good day to start the week. I love this week monday.. hehe you want to know why, because my boss cuti, his secretary also cuti, and the most, his biatche executive cuti also. There are 4 of us in the business development team and i am the only one left. The other team member making remark, oh they went vacation without you aa… And i said.. it’s ok, it’s my honeymoon. hahhahaha…. it’s a good day.

So on a good day i would like to share my 2 cents and hoping it making a good deed. So boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, here it is The Mother Instinct. Do not defeat it. This is the power of all time. Only mother knows how to  use it. It’s a precious gift, sometime feel more like a curse. You cannot run from it. Just embrace and use it wisely.

Before, I didn’t know the 6th sense exist. My mom use it on me all the time. even when i was in US. That’s a long, very long distance indeed, but she never fail. She knows when I’m naugthy or not. She knows when I’m healthy or not. She knows when i’m hungry or not, she knows everything without telling her. Except she just cannot distinguish it. All the data and information is in her but she didn’t know how to tell me.

I came home every year to visit her and we have this long conversation and didn’t sleep all night sometimes until subuh even. I don’t have a problem with that since i still have jet lag. During the chit chat came out various issue that I never tell her about but she knows. I was shock.. From that moment, every movement, every intention, everything that i did, i think of her and i didn’t do anything that will cause her heart to skip a beat. Because she knows… and i know how painful it is to feel the pain without knowing the cause of it, without seeing her children in front of her.  Now I know how she feel, because I am a mother of 2.

You don’t know what’s your future will be, but your mother knows. She know’s when bad thing will happen, she just don’t know how to tell you. My friend once told me, you don’t have a choice and you cannot choose who your mother is. She is the ONLY one in the whole universe. You must have felt angry, hatred, rebel that you cannot do what your heart desire. Believe me, I know. I’ve been there done that mode. Until my father pass-away, i feel that I miss the oppoturnity to get close to him, to get to know him better. And I don’t want to miss the same opportunity with my mother. I just follow her advises, because I believe there always a light at the end of the road, if it not now, it will be during the day after life. Because I remember what my friend told me, In life you cannot choose who your mother is, you only have that one mother, but you have a lot of choices on how you live your life.

The moral of the story is… when you become a mother you will have this  feeling of what if your children do the same to you as you did to your mom.. how do you feel?? think….

Sementara hayat dikandung badan, respect and love your parent. When they gone, don’t regret it….

Why must this happen to us? Let us OUT!!!!  Do you ever have these feeling that trap inside and you don’t know how to express it. Every turn you take is a dead end.

I am in the middle of the cross road. I dunno where to turn. I just stop and idle in the middle of nowhere. If I didn’t make a move and change my life who will? NOBODY.  I have to make a good choice for the sake of my 2 angels and for their better life.

One turn leads me to the honorable work but less pay. I got an offer as IT lecturer. Teaching youth to their max capacity and hoping that they might use it within the line in their life might give me an extra point or two for doing a good deeds. But 2 yrs contract with the same salary level make me reconsider. Moreover moving from industry to education line gimme jiverbiver in my stomach.

Another turn leads me to the lime light. I am offered as Head of Project Team and the payment double my salary now. This is what I’ve been waiting for. But when I see those 2 angels’ face sleeping by the time I get home, make me thinking that I didn’t spend enough time with them. If I take this offer, coming home on time is NOT an option.

Last turn leads me out of the picture. Not even in the country. I will go to where the grass is greener, the rain is golden, and the color of the rainbow is brighter.  I will continue my study to doctorate level and bring my family with me. Have to find a company to sponsor my research or even finding a government agency to award me a grant. But end of the day, somebody will be missing my 2 angels. If I make up my mind to move forward I will not looking back. After graduate, if I coming back I’m pretty sure no company in Malaysia will pay me as what I requested. Make me just frustrated of my own fuxing cuntry. I dun think entittle as BUMIPUTERA does any good.

So should I just idle in the middle and wait for other vechicle to run me over just to make me move a bit. In life, if you bring others into your consideration, your life tend to stay that way as long as you wish it to be……..

I received an email from my boss to rectify the invoice that we send to this company that have different legal entity name. Well this is the 3rd time we change the invoice becoz of the misdirection from the party above. Then my boss kecoh kecoh call me and yell on the phone explaining and asking what we suppose to do.

My dear boss, 1st of all I can read. The email is in front of me and I’m reading it while you yakking on the phone. No need to read it to me. So when this is the 3rd time we change the invoice, my 1st instict is to call the respectful party and get the confirmation and clarification for once and for all. No more buat kerja byk byk kali.

But NO.. my boss keep yakking and interpret the email as he read it to me. Well, for me if you can’t understand the email, just give  them a call and ask away. As simple as that, yg ko nak menyesakkan otak, pikir sampai nak panjat banjaran himalaya tu buat hapa?! Budus punya manusia. Cam ni pun bleh jadi boss ke?! POYO!!

Then he said, ‘never mind, never mind, i call her right now.’ that is his word after an argument with me and after i just about to pick up the phone and make the call infront of him. WTF prick.. Dun wan to follow my idea, find, go figure yourself.

But anyway, i call the person myself to get some clarification. He does not have to know. The most important thing is I done my part. FULL fragin’ STOP.

all these week i heard in the radio about single woman fall for married man. I dun understand why must a nice soul disturb another soul of the same spesies. Didn’t they felt the suffering, hurt, hatred, and other negetive feeling of that others?! Why? why woman?

We suppose to be strong. We suppose to be organized. We suppose to help out each other. Not ruin it. Look at those single moms out there. Look how hard they work and raised their kids. Look how hard their life to face the world.  Much respect to them.

Woman lib people. Woman liberty… word…